Selfish much?

I woke up for my Wednesday routine, grocery shopping, and my daughter’s volunteer work helping the seniors and handicapped on the weekly run.

I logged into Facebook this morning to learn that someone I used to consider to be a friend died.  I just knew it had to be suicide, and unfortunately I was right.  They may have only been an online friend to many people, but through her, so many other people were introduced to one another and developed friendships or acquaintances over the years.

Quite a few people are sad and upset, and while I can’t blame them, I am at the opposite end of the spectrum.  I am so fucking angry over this, that I can’t even put it into proper words!  I fight ever day to live another day and thank whoever’s listening for giving me another day to live and spend with my daughter.  I cannot relate to anyone who is a parent of young children taking their own life because of depression, or another failed relationship or marriage.

I have had my fair share of bad days, serious depression, the end of a marriage, the end of relationships, and having my husband die – but there is no way in hell that I would ever end my life and leave my child on her own, even if she was grown and independent.  I fought for so much in my life to have her, keep her, raise her… it’s just so damn selfish to commit suicide.

I know it sounds mean and downright nasty… and some people can’t understand it… and I was never one to handle death very well since having to bury the majority of my family members at a young age, and having the last one die on my birthday when I was in my 30s… but I can’t help but feel for her kids.  She had 2 young children, and 2 other children a tad older from another failed marriage.

Why would you take your own life when so many people gave a shit about you and were there for you?  How could you ever want to leave your children alone to never see you again?

Folks, I am no different in person than I am online.  I am outspoken, opinionated, and honest for the most part (I might like and say I like your shoes, when I really don’t sort of thing).  Most people tend to be ruder online than they are in real life.  I am nicer online than I would be in real life.  Sorry, I am not taking, or putting up with, shit if I don’t have to.  If you have an issue with me, it’s ok.  I am pretty happy with myself, like myself, and try to be content.  I have spent too many years being a doormat, or trying to please someone who didn’t deserve the time of day from me.

Don’t stay where you’re not wanted, not loved, not appreciated.  Learn to like and love yourself.  Learn to enjoy spending time with yourself.  If you have a drug problem, get help.  If you’re an alcoholic, get help.  Drinking when you’re depressed makes you even more depressed.  If you’re depressed, get help – especially if it gets to the point you’re even thinking of suicide.  Think of other people in your life and how your death would affect them – especially your children.  Taking your life isn’t punishing anyone but yourself.  You’ll be the one missing out in the end.  That man wasn’t worth it.  He wasn’t worth shit before either!

So many people have serious health problems and would love to have the option to live longer… suicide is selfish as far as I’m concerned.  I think it angers those who have serious health problems more – but for me, it angers me because four innocent children lost their mother today.

To end this day, this Maxine post shows up today… I guess for the divas and those with a flair for dramatics, this might be appropriate.  I treat people how I was treated until I am treated otherwise!  I many not know you from a hole in the wall – but if you are depressed enough to consider taking your own life – I will be there to listen to you and help if I can.

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